Dreams

The holiday season is behind me.  The amount of hours at work that I am scheduled have dropped dramatically.  So far, it is okay since the weather has been bad.  In addition, I have had a couple of doctor appointments, and errands to do.  I know that in a week or two, I will be going stir crazy.

I have to be okay with this, right?  It will get busy again with Valentines Day, and Easter.  Then there is Spring.  Yet, sometimes I am not.  When it is busy, I look forward to the slow times.  Then vice versa.

The big thing, I Need To Trust God!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I need to trust him with my life.  He has my finances in his hands, the health of my body.  God is also in control of my relationships.  He knows when I need to spend more time with my children, my husband, and yes even my mom and my horse.  Yet somehow, I worry.

My husband are dreaming of getting a hobby farm after K goes off to college this fall.  We really don't need this big house anymore.  We both want a rambler.  We also want to be where it is quieter.  I need to trust God that if we both have this dream, then it is what God has for our future.  Somehow, though, when I am not working much, I worry about having the money for a down payment, or enough to afford everything once we get there.

I really need to be okay with this since my dream since I was a teenager was to be a career woman.  I did not know if I wanted to get married or have children.  I just wanted to work and have a job like my dad.  As time went on, I thought that if I did get married and have children, I would still work and either the father would stay home, or they would be in daycare.

The first hurdle came with that dream, I had a difficult time with college.  I am not school person, I hate it and had trouble with grades.  Side note, people think I got good grades.  I would ask why, and they would reply with I sound smart in conversation.

The second hurdle came when I was laid off from work and eight months pregnant.  Clearly, after that I was not able to find a job.  Employers don't want you if you have children.  Your attention is divided between work and them.  When the child is sick, who will stay home.  And on, and on.  I then stayed home full-time for years while my husband traveled and worked the hours to get raises to live just in our means.

After surgeries and a hard to time going back to work, I can't get a office job.  The only thing is retail or Customer Service.  I have come to learn to be happy in just retail.

I do ask is this all God has for me?  But God knows my dreams and desires.  Is he not the one that formed me and those dreams?  Or are those dreams from the Devil.

Is the hobby farm in my future?  My horse hates being alone.  We will need one or two more horses to keep her entertained.  Maybe I can have a couple of friends have their horses on our property.  I could also work and train there horses for them.  Is this my future?

Whatever any of this is, I need to be okay with it.  I will find a dream that will come to be fulfilled.

What are your dreams?  What are your desires?  What dreams never came to be?  What dreams have been fulfilled?  Are you working on any right now?  Please comment.  Thanks.